I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
