we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
