So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
