The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
