I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
