Barsexuality is the new black.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
