spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
