Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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