Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
