Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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