Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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