do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize