I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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