she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
