I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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