im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
