well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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