wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
