2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
