Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
