Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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