Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
