dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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