Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize