i permit you to call me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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