This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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