so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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