U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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