i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
