ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
