I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize