I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
