he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
