the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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