Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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