i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
