So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
