i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Randomize
