Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
