How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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