I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
