I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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