I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
