Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
