I hate all girls vehemently.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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