She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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