Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This is classic penis vs brain.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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