Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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