she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
