so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
