If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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