During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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