no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the day after is always just damage control
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
