You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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