he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
