Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
