My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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