I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
