Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
