Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
