You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
