i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
