I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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