BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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