Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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