He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
