I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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