I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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