She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize