he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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