I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
