dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
