On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
