Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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