yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
