She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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