The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
