a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i think i just lost a toe
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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