with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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