This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
